Wow! I'm pretty amazed about this!

T

thanka2

Registered User
I was checking out this video from another post someone else made here about gifted babies. First, I never thought to even think about if my baby was gifted or not. Seriously, there should be a "bragging" section on this site where members can just blatantly brag about how awesome they think their children are, right? So, wow, I am just blown away. And I think that everyone should take a look at this video and see if your baby is really gifted too.

So, here's the video:

Is Your Baby Gifted?

My son did ALL of those things (except the extreme interest in books one--that came later).

-Held his head up from birth and was looking around
-Was not a sleepy baby and always was alert, tracking people and things but not crabby or fussy--very happy baby but never wanted to sleep
-We have VIDEO with a time stamp on it when he was able to pull himself up while holding our hands at THREE WEEKS! I just found it the other day and was like WOW!
-Sat up on his own at about 2.5 months
-Rolled over on his own at about 3 months
-Started crawling at 5 months
-Said first English word at 5 months
-Said first Cantonese PHRASE ("hui gai gai"--going out) at 6 months
-Was pulling himself up and cruising around furniture at 6 months
-Was fully walking on his own at 8.5 months
-Was running at 9 months
-Could climb stairs on his feet at 10 months
-Could kick a ball toward you at 12 months
-Could climb stairs one step at a time, up and down by 15-16 months
-Could eat with a fork on his own at 17 months
-Now can say probably 30 different words and phrases in English and even more in Cantonese and totally loves books and flash cards (we just started doing those with him and of about 30 cards, he recognizes about 15 by sight and about 7 with just the word showing, not the picture)

Does anyone out there also have a child who just amazes you by how fast they do things?
 
Its great to hear about your son doing exceptionally well. Some of the stuff does sound amazing but my only concern here is that if some mom who has a slow child might be reading this right now and feeling extremely pressured to teach her child even the basic things. Maybe? Maybe?? I am not saying that was your intention by any means, but just a thought crossed my mind :)
 
the thing is there is such a vast range of "normal" when it comes to baby development.

a baby could walk anywhere from 9 months-18 months.
a baby could talk from 6 months- 2 years. ( i read that albert einstein didn't talk until he was 4 years old.)

besides, it is fairly impossible to "teach" a baby to sit or roll over (sounds like a dog, LOL). these are things they need to master on their own.
 
Cara please stop micro analyzing everything anyone says. By teach I meant encourage. It seems one needs to think ten times before writing every single word on this forum for the fear of people pouncing on them.
 
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sorry, i wasn't directing my comment at you in particular.

i was merely thinking about what you wrote, and you are right. some mums might be very distraught if their own child is not so "advanced". i was merely trying to ease THEIR minds, telling them not to worry.

i'm sorry if it didn't come out that way.
 
I honestly think that it's amazing to watch every baby's development, whether "early", "late" or textbook-perfect. I love watching my baby learn to do new things--he takes such delight in each new skill, how could I not find it amazing?? For the record, he's been mostly "slow" according to the books, but has learned to do a few things earlier than average--which pretty much proves to me that each baby's timeline is just different. Anyway, I truly am glad for you, thanka2, that you think your baby is amazing--it sounds like he is! I hope all the mums on here feel the same way--I know I do!
 
Monte, good post. I too think each baby is amazing.

I worry about people that want to attach labels to their children at such early ages. How does it affect the child? Will they only be loved and get attention if they continue to perform 'above' the norm? What about their siblings who aren't 'gifted'. How would they feel to know their parents consider one of them gifted and not the other. (that one is being written about but not the other) Also, what about all the other gifts that are important in life, being kind, having empathy, even sporting ability, are they encouraged as much as the ability to count to 20 (or whatever).

I'm not saying any of you are like that but I've always had an interest in psychology and indeed studied it for a few years at uni and think that labels actually limit people. "Oh yeah, I'm the smart one" can often limit someone on the sporting field. Or the opposite, "I'm the sporty one", can limit them scholastically as they simply are not expected to be able to kick a ball and speak a foreign language or understand algebra.

It's an interesting discussion to be had and just something to be aware of as your children grow up. I love how different each of my children are. The most important thing for me is that they do not feel pressure when they are growing up, (to be something I want them to be), but rather that they follow their own dreams and ultimately, that they forge a career in something that makes them happy. That to me would be the sign that I have done my job as a parent.
 
I agree, aussiegal, about the labeling thing. This is taking the conversation in a bit of a different direction, but I've been reading lately about the different kinds of praise, and the difference between evaluative praise (you are smart, you are strong, etc.) and descriptive praise (that was a smart point, that was a heavy load--thanks for carrying it, etc.) The evaluative praise really can create pressure for the recipient, that they have to live up to something. My husband, who is a teacher, has found that using descriptive praise in the classroom seems to encourage more internal validation, rather than always looking externally. Not that we would never tell our kids they are strong or smart or whatever, but just something to be mindful of.
 
VERY interesting Monte. I'd never really thought about the kind of praise that i use. now that i am thinkig about it, i realise that at playgroup, i use a lot of the descriptive praise, but at home it's a mixture of the two.
 
geomum said:
Its great to hear about your son doing exceptionally well. Some of the stuff does sound amazing but my only concern here is that if some mom who has a slow child might be reading this right now and feeling extremely pressured to teach her child even the basic things. Maybe? Maybe?? I am not saying that was your intention by any means, but just a thought crossed my mind :)
Click to expand...

Oh, definitely not my aim. See, we've really struggled with trying to keep up with my son--because he just wears us out and for a long time it was quite frustrating. But after watching that video, I had an idea I hadn't even really thought of--that maybe he's just ahead for his age so it's actually a good thing (although it can be really hard because he just does everything very fast so you never get a break). Anyway, no offense meant. Sorry for anyone who was offended.
 
monte said:
I honestly think that it's amazing to watch every baby's development, whether "early", "late" or textbook-perfect. I love watching my baby learn to do new things--he takes such delight in each new skill, how could I not find it amazing?? For the record, he's been mostly "slow" according to the books, but has learned to do a few things earlier than average--which pretty much proves to me that each baby's timeline is just different. Anyway, I truly am glad for you, thanka2, that you think your baby is amazing--it sounds like he is! I hope all the mums on here feel the same way--I know I do!
Click to expand...

This is true, and the video really points to that too. Like the woman says, "Your baby is special because you love them." Even before I watched the video I always thought it was amazing to watch my son grown and develop, just as you pointed out.
And with babies, as the video points out, it is way too soon to be able to know if they are truly ahead--you can only look for little signs.

And just as it's important to know if your older child is having true difficulty in an area (not just a slower development but maybe something more), after watching that video, I started to think that maybe it's also important to know if your child is truly excelling in an area (not just how every mom subjectively believes their baby/child is brilliant--but a true accelerated pace of learning and ability which can be scientifically screened for--and again, the video points out that that type of screening comes later when the child is older).

Because it may be just as important to be aware of where your child is at developmentally so that you can really nurture and help that part of them grow or assist a part that is weaker to help them really reach their full potential.

These are just my initial thoughts--as I had never even thought about any of this before.

So, to me, the video provided some comfort and explanation--just things as a mom, I think I knew all along.
 
monte said:
I agree, aussiegal, about the labeling thing. This is taking the conversation in a bit of a different direction, but I've been reading lately about the different kinds of praise, and the difference between evaluative praise (you are smart, you are strong, etc.) and descriptive praise (that was a smart point, that was a heavy load--thanks for carrying it, etc.) The evaluative praise really can create pressure for the recipient, that they have to live up to something. My husband, who is a teacher, has found that using descriptive praise in the classroom seems to encourage more internal validation, rather than always looking externally. Not that we would never tell our kids they are strong or smart or whatever, but just something to be mindful of.
Click to expand...

I've read a lot about descriptive versus evaluative praise and when it comes to my son we make a conscience effort to use on the former and not the latter. I do agree, that children should be valued for who they are first and what they can do should be recognized with precise descriptive statements, rather than blanket labels. I think this concept is really, really important.
 
aussiegal said:
Monte, good post. I too think each baby is amazing.

I worry about people that want to attach labels to their children at such early ages. How does it affect the child? Will they only be loved and get attention if they continue to perform 'above' the norm? What about their siblings who aren't 'gifted'. How would they feel to know their parents consider one of them gifted and not the other. (that one is being written about but not the other) Also, what about all the other gifts that are important in life, being kind, having empathy, even sporting ability, are they encouraged as much as the ability to count to 20 (or whatever).

I'm not saying any of you are like that but I've always had an interest in psychology and indeed studied it for a few years at uni and think that labels actually limit people. "Oh yeah, I'm the smart one" can often limit someone on the sporting field. Or the opposite, "I'm the sporty one", can limit them scholastically as they simply are not expected to be able to kick a ball and speak a foreign language or understand algebra.

It's an interesting discussion to be had and just something to be aware of as your children grow up. I love how different each of my children are. The most important thing for me is that they do not feel pressure when they are growing up, (to be something I want them to be), but rather that they follow their own dreams and ultimately, that they forge a career in something that makes them happy. That to me would be the sign that I have done my job as a parent.
Click to expand...

I agree with what you're saying about labels. Unfortunately, we have to use labels in life to describe things. If your child is autistic you actually have to use the name "autism" to describe where the child is at. It would be really great if we all could commonly understand each other without labels. If you're a teacher, you use the title "teacher." If you're a doctor there is a "Dr." before your name and an "MD" at the end.

I think my primary interest is recognition, not labeling. Recognition helps parents tailor their plan of parenting. Some parents prefer to just parent day-to-day but we prefer to have different plans and goals. If we can recognize certain things then we can better tailor or individual plan to meet our child's needs.

In our case, we are a single-child family and will remain that way. We have no intention to have other children so the issue of comparison between siblings doesn't apply. But, in families with more than one children, or any family, I think the main job of the parent is to recognize their children for who they really are. Which means taking a humble (truthful and accurate, whether good or bad--a right assessment) of the child. Is the child struggling in an area? Is the child excelling in an area? What is the child's natural bent? How can we nuture and support the child in the best way--in word and deed? This our personal philosophy when it comes to parenting. Although the official "label" might say "my child is gifted" (based on tests etc.) I would much rather prefer to not make this even a known subject with my child. But, I could then research and know what opportunities would be best suited to my child's individual needs.

When I was growing up with two other siblings, both younger, there was never a comparison between any of us and we were never pressured to be something our parents wanted us to be. Our parents were proud of us not matter how we performed in sports or school and I think we all avoided be labeled. None of us ever fit into a specific "clique" in school but could always be friends with anyone and in this aspect, I think our parents did a great job. They never let themselves or us be defined by a label and as you pointed out, for this reason we were never limited by anything but our own imagination. So, your goal as a parent is to essentially do what my parents did--we were told to pursue what made us happy and to never be afraid of anything and today none of us are.
 
Thanka2, there's a big difference between labelling a child 'gifted' and recognising someone's profession - teacher in the case you give or medical condition (or what have you, in the case of austism). But i do agree with the rest of your post.

I really believe that most of us live up to the labels our parents attach to us and when we are older, to the labels we attach ourselves. Call it a self-fulfilling prophesy if you want. If someone tells you often enough that you are lazy or stupid you will believe it and become it.

And nowadays there is a lot of talk (as someone else mentioned) about how to heap praise on a child. The outcome of doing it the wrong way (i.e. saying, you are amazing, you are strong, you are smart) is that we raise children who think they are better than everyone else and therefore find it hard to get ahead professionally (not to mention socially) because they are not prepared to start at the bottom and work their way up. It's a balancing act.
 
The book Siblings without Rilvalry discusses some of the consequences of labelling our children (or assigning 'roles'). Its attributed as being the primary reason for rivalry amongst siblings. (its not a terribly well written book but worth a read.....this thread has prompted me to read it again!)
 
I am just happy to see my baby being happy. I never really expected or wanted my child to be too smart. As long as she is happy, healthy and doing decent in school. I think that's all I am asking for.
 
thanka2, what your child has achieved so far is amazing...My kids on the other hand, are quite different. My first born didn't stand up and certainly no way was able to walk until 18 months old; my second child is learning walking right now---he's 19 months old! And just the other day he finally started SITTING UP by himself...I always say he's a lazy boy, lol...

But I'm not stressed about it at all. Just as Cara mentioned, I know that kids develop at different paces. I did take my first born to see all sorts of specialists when everybody was telling me there must be something wrong with her(not being able to stand up by 18 months, scary really). But since she's now walking and running around with no problem at all, I'm being very patient with my second...

Hope this might help ease some of the 'anxiety' that some parents might be having...
 
aussiegal said:
Thanka2, there's a big difference between labelling a child 'gifted' and recognising someone's profession - teacher in the case you give or medical condition (or what have you, in the case of austism). But i do agree with the rest of your post.

I really believe that most of us live up to the labels our parents attach to us and when we are older, to the labels we attach ourselves. Call it a self-fulfilling prophesy if you want. If someone tells you often enough that you are lazy or stupid you will believe it and become it.

And nowadays there is a lot of talk (as someone else mentioned) about how to heap praise on a child. The outcome of doing it the wrong way (i.e. saying, you are amazing, you are strong, you are smart) is that we raise children who think they are better than everyone else and therefore find it hard to get ahead professionally (not to mention socially) because they are not prepared to start at the bottom and work their way up. It's a balancing act.
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Wouldn't say I'm really disagreeing with you. The example I gave wasn't a very good one. What I meant is that, if you do have tests done and they do show accurately what's going on with your child, that knowledge, whether it reveals a good or not-so-good situation, can be powerful and important and well, empowering.

Of course, the generation I grew up in was really the first generation where education became child-centered and just an overall shift in the value of children took place. So, the Baby Boomers, many after growing up in homes where children were meant to be "seen and not heard" (this was a common phrase my grandparents used with my mom and her siblings), decided that their children were going to grow up with a good does of self-esteem. Self-esteem really was the buzz word of my generation. At school there were all these self-esteem boosting programs. And, well, the saying "too much of a good thing" (or in this case, a good thing, not presented in the best way) can have consequences too. So, in turn there has been a huge increase in narcissism in my generation. People my age can tend to have thin skins when it comes to criticism and expect to walk into any job and be hired just because "hey, I'm me and I'm wonderful" because for all of their educational life they were fed these praise statements. And then when we get let down, we really can't understand why. Of course, so much of this is just ingrained so that it's on an unconscious level.

So, the order of events nowadays is to correct the missteps of the educators who really pioneered the value of of children movement (it probably has a more accurate name to define that period of time). And part of that is getting away from giving out sweeping and unclear rewarding statements like, "You're awesome" but instead give direct assessment "I really liked the way you played in the game." It all makes a lot of sense.

Still, at the end of the day, if your child scores highly on educational assessments and shows all the signs of being ahead, not only academically (verbally, in maths etc.) but also socially (being able to share when most of his/her peers are going through the "stingy" phase) then most parents would say to themselves (although, maybe not to others) "My child is ahead." And in the past, the term (which, apparently must be not politically correct anymore) for a child who was ahead developmentally was "gifted." Maybe there needs to be a new term coined.
 
aussie mum said:
The book Siblings without Rilvalry discusses some of the consequences of labelling our children (or assigning 'roles'). Its attributed as being the primary reason for rivalry amongst siblings. (its not a terribly well written book but worth a read.....this thread has prompted me to read it again!)
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Thanks for suggesting that book. I think my parents must have been doing something differently because they never labeled us or assigned us roles (i.e. "you're the oldest so look after your younger siblings", "she's the baby of the family", "he's the little troublemaker"). Maybe that's why as siblings we get along so well. Interesting. Maybe I'll pick it up for a read (after I finish the 5-6 books I'm reading this summer). As I said, though, we're a one-child family so sibling rivalry won't be an issue we'll be dealing with.
 
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