Helper now what to do :-(

R

rs2000

Registered User
Hi All

I have two kids and really need a helper to be around.
Now our helper arrived 3 weeks back and has been doing ok. Now she was very happy yesterday and then told me that her husband is Nepali ( she is from phillipines) and he has found a job in hk in Mongkok in some security firm.
She was working in Dubai before and now told me that hey husband also worked in dubai
I really don't want to spoil her family life but I can't see how she will continue to work with us once herbhysbandbus here , she might other part time or somewhere where she can go to her husband at night.
We let hey take day off in Sunday but still need her to be around Saturday night .
And with two
Kids , she might want to find a home with lesser work
Load
Pls can you share your experiences ? Do you think I need to start looking for a replacement ? I can wait for 2 months for the next helper to arrive if the current one decides to leave or disappear
I am sick of all these helper issues....... Please give your inputs

(btw she did not mention any of this information during the interviews)
Posted via Mobile Device
 
you can just tell her straight up what you expect and see what she is planning on doing with her hubby. ask her before you start coming up with possibilities in your own mind. you can hardly blame her for being excited, can you? even if they see each other once/week, it is better than it is now for them, right?
 
I think that first of all, you shouldn't assume you know this couple or how they are going to be together. It's very likely that your helper would rather be employed than unemployed even if it limits the amount of time she spends with her husband. Also, in the case of people who marry and are married to someone else who works in the "overseas workers" sector, their idea of a "normal relationship" is bound to be different than your idea. You probably can't use your own understanding of your relationship with your husband to gauge their relationship. She (and he) are already used to being separated for long periods of time--they may have spent most of their married life apart. We hired a helper in the past who had such a situation. Her husband was in the middle east and they had gotten married on a "home leave" at some point and she hadn't physically been around him for years. As long as you can be a sympathetic and understanding employer and make some allowances for her then it's not necessarily true that she's going to up and leave you just because her husband is here in town. He likely will have a lot to do at his own work as well. But, if you have a negative feeling about the helper because she wasn't up front with you about her situation or have any other "gut feelings" that tip you off that she might not work out for your family, like Cara said, you probably need to sit down with her and be very direct about what you expect. If she doesn't agree fully to the terms, certainly start looking for a new helper as it will take awhile to find someone and bring them to work for you.
 
i can understand and am not against her for being happy
the thing is that she did not tell me and the other thing is that she i would think she would be too distracted with hubby being in town (i might be wrong), i need her help managing 2 kids

what happens with us is that whenever we think we are settled with a helper, one thing or another with her personal life just ruins everything (yes this has happend twice in last 1 year)
 
rs2000 said:
Hi All

I have two kids and really need a helper to be around.
...
We let hey take day off in Sunday but still need her to be around Saturday night .
...
I am sick of all these helper issues....... Please give your inputs

(btw she did not mention any of this information during the interviews)
Posted via Mobile Device
Click to expand...

What, exactly, is your issue with your helper? That she is married? I don't see how that affects you in the least, as long as she does her job per her contract. That she wants some sort of a social or personal life? Again, that seems normal and entirely acceptable and to deprive her of it is not right (at least it doesn't seem so to me). You don't own her and again, her personal life, and what she does in her free time is none of your concern.
Also, you must, by law, let her take a continuous period of 24 hours off once a week. This means that she is legally permitted to stay outside of your house either on Saturday or Sunday night. There are no exceptions to this law.
 
well as I said, i have no issues with her personal life
but how many of helpers have their husbands around in HK? my worry is that she is planning something or might just opt to live out or do part time and stay with him.........

i know about the 24h rule and yes I cant let her do that. I have my own things and cant afford to do this.
but anyways, the real question is that what do you all think about a situation like this and any experiences you can share.

thank you
 
you can't afford to give your helper 1 entire day off???? no wonder you're worried. no offence, but i wouldn't want to work for you. you cannot possibly expect her to function properly without proper down time. i have 2 kids and run 3 businesses, yet i am able to give my helpers their 24 hours off/week.... what exactly makes you different? it doesn't matter what you can or cannot "afford" it has to do with how you treat people. not giving what is legally due them is just not acceptable. while i once had sympathy for you and your situation, it is now all gone.

as for your situation:

our first helper was with us for 6 years. at the 5 year mark, we hired her husband to come to hong kong from the middle east to work for us, too. they had lived apart for the better part of 20 years. they were constantly fighting with each other (i didn't hear it, she just would tell me how angry she was with him etc). after only a few months of living together in our home (their own bedroom etc), we noticed that on their one day off together, they would go separate ways. then she applied to work in canada. she's been gone for 18 months now and is in the process of filing the paper work for her husband to join her. i honestly have no idea how they will manage. the longest they've spent together as a married couple was the year that they were both working for us.

thanka is right, you can't make assumptions about them or their relationship or what it will be like.... they've had a very different marriage to what you have had (my assumption).
 
Cara, its not about me being nice employer or not. I think I am qqute nice to her and we do take care of her well.
I had told her she can leave sunday mornign any time and spend the whole day out but not the night even before we hired her, anyways thats a different aspect.
Please dont make me more anxious by making me feel guilty :) I am already quite nervous

my worry is that I might have to hire yet another helper and then train her and then hope that the next one would work

the one before this one had a husband cheating on her and had to leave for manilla asap.
 
do you tell your helper everything going on in your life? i'm guessing not.
why should she have to tell you that her husband wants to come to hk to work? it's none of your business.

as for not being "able" to give her 24 hours off..... all i can do is shake my head in disbelief. i am making you feel guilty? good. you should. what you are doing is illegal and as far as i'm concerned immoral and unethical.

i'm not judging you as a person. i am judging your actions. you may treat your helper very well in every other respect. i don't know. i do know that if you were working and your boss was not giving you what was legally due, i'm sure you would have something to say about it.

what difference does it make to you if she leaves to visit her husband at 9pm at night or at 7am in the morning? you can't handle your kids for an over night?

sorry, but i'm currently dealing with unethical people in a totally unrelated situation and it just beggars belief.
 
rs2000 said:
Cara, its not about me being nice employer or not. I think I am qqute nice to her and we do take care of her well.
I had told her she can leave sunday mornign any time and spend the whole day out but not the night even before we hired her, anyways thats a different aspect.
Please dont make me more anxious by making me feel guilty :) I am already quite nervous

my worry is that I might have to hire yet another helper and then train her and then hope that the next one would work

the one before this one had a husband cheating on her and had to leave for manilla asap.
Click to expand...

You should be anxious - you are BREAKING THE LAW by not giving your helper a continuous period of 24 hours off once each week, which includes a right to spend a night outside of your residence. There are NO exceptions. Per the Labour Department: "You should provide your helper at least one rest day in every period of seven days. A rest day is a continuous period of not less than 24 hours." http://www.labour.gov.hk/eng/public/wcp/FDHguide.pdf

Whatever your difficult circumstances are, they do not give you the right the take away your helper's legal right to a proper rest period and if she decides to, she has a solid labour claim against you simply for this. If you are not following the law, you are not a "good" employer in at least some respects.

Regarding her personal and marrital status, I still maintain that this is none of your business, UNLESS it interferes with her contractual work duties. What she does in her free time is none of your concern. In the real world employers don't ask about the marital or family status of employees while interviewing as it isn't appropriate or relevant to the job. If your helper choses to leave, to be with her husband more or for other reasons (for example, like an employer who doesn't give her a proper and legal break) that is her perogative and none of us can predict what she will do in the future. Some helpers leave to spend more time with their families, some don't...
 
this is going in a totallt different direction to what my purpose was


she herself told me about her husband, i never even asked about it , not even during the interview

my worry is that she might want to change, work part time and might even have planned it before hand. I obviously dont want to sit back ans relax till the day it actually happens
All I wanted ti ask here is that has it actually worked out for someone who had her husband in hk and did thet manage the work and their life well?
 
she can't just change her mind. she is contractually bound to give you notice to terminate her contract. she can't just decide to live out.
 
Being a betting man that I am, I predict :
- she will trade in her FDH visa in exchange for a dependent visa as soon as practical
- give up her minimal salary and trade up for a much higher paying, relatively unskilled job of waitress or supermarket worker
- signup for some courses to better herself and prepare for an even better job.

The OP is right to be worried but I doubt there is anything that can be done at all.
 
and you know the amount of time & effort it takes to hire a new one
1 month of notice is just not enough :(

my worry is that she was working fine with us but with a husband being here, I cant see why would she not try to get somnething to suite more (a better job in a restaurant etc)
while thats good for her and I dont want to stop it, it just worrries me that I would have to try another helper and hope it works out (and the painful process of interviewing etc :( )
 
btw guys do you know whats the minimum salary to sponsor a dependent? she mentioned he would work in a "security company: in mongkok (i think as a secuirty guard)
do you know 10-12k hk can sponsor wife as a depenedent?
 
The thing is in life....you can't micromanage people and expect it to go well. You can't eliminate uncertainty. You can't control others' choices. You can't predict the future.

So, nothing we say is going to "put your mind at ease." It is likely your helper is going to switch to "greener pastures" as soon as she can. And as an employer, you're not giving her any incentive to stay with you by not giving her the legal amount of leave that she's due. In fact, if she does part ways with you she could very well be taking you to court. If she's smart, that's probably what she should do.

In the meantime, yes, hiring a new helper isn't convenient and it's not easy. That's life. There are many women (and men) here on this forum who can tell you their stories of seeking out a helper that is a suitable employee for their family. That's the "nature of the beast"--most people have to go through the same thing.

If you want to do something pre-emptive, there is nothing keeping you from firing her and looking for another helper. I don't think that's a very ethical thing to do but people do it all the time. Basically, it's all your choice and no one is going to tell you for certain what to do or what you should do--except, start following the law and allow your helper 24 hours off (out of your home) if she asks for it.
 
To chime in to what others have posted, you really do need to give her her basic 24 hours off. That is mandated by law and you can't just exempt yourself as you have a greater need. In truth, the 24 hours off is already pretty mean (its the law and the MINIMUM you should give your helper off), but I do think if possible families should give their helpers more down time/personal time as a well rested and balanced staff makes a better one.

Put yourself in her shoes (and the truth of the matter is that it is only by the grace of God that you aren't the helper and she the employer), would you be happy if your employer cropped your already meager time off?

I also want to say that I hear this ALL the TIME. Almost every person I know thinks they are a fabulous and if not at least a fair employer, but I have said this before, the proof is in the pudding, if you have a high turnover of staff, chances are, it may not be the helpers themselves but you and your job. I have never met any person who readily admits they are a completely nasty boss even though in my assessment, the job they have on the table sounds like a nightmare. I have met people who have given their helpers days old sashimi and sushi and patted themselves on the back at their own generosity at giving the helper something they could never really afford(I am not saying this about you at all, it is an example only). Just something to think about.

Finally, I agree with Carang and think asking her honestly is the best policy. Then make some contingency plans. I find that when helpers have been treated with genuine kindness and fairness (objectively), then they will try to be accommodating to you and your family and not leave you in the lurch. However if she feels you don't have her best interests at heart and may do something that is not in her interests (i..e fire her straight up) then she's likely to do something that will at the very least severely inconvenience you.

I find that being sincerely happy for your helpers, sharing in the their joys, being fair to them and genuinely having a good relationship with them is the best ward against staff leaving you suddenly. Just like with my boss, if I genuinely believe he/she cares about me then I wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardise their livelihood but if I thought my employer was just keeping score and doing less than the minimum due to me than I would reciprocate. We are not all different really at the end of the day.
 
all, thanks for your inputs....

firstly, she has not asked for the 24 hours off and its not deal-breaker honestly. What I was more worried about is that she having her own plans even before we sponsored her to come over. I still have a feeling she is not going to last long with us (just my gut feeling).

I am NOT going to stop her or spoil her plans or personal life. Just that it puts me into the situation of having to meet helpers again and then chosing someone and then hoping the next is atleast as workable as the current one.

anyways, i hope things work out for both of us.........
 
she DOESN'T NEED TO ASK FOR 24 HOURS OFF! it is her RIGHT and your RESPONSIBILITY as her employer!

aiya! i really don't understand why you cannot see that what you are doing is illegal, unethical, morally wrong and detrimental to the health and welfare of your employee. do you mean to tell me that you, a mother of 2 children, cannot manage your own kids for a 24 hour period? what special circumstances do you have exactly? if this is truly the case, there is an easy solution. hire two helpers, giving each one a different day off. as i said, i am a mother of 2 and i run 3 different businesses. i went back to work 7 weeks after giving birth. i had 2 very hard pregnancies where i was hospitalised 13 times..... yet we still managed to give our helper 24 hours off/week. what makes you special/different?

i try to offer honest advice. but this point is really upsetting me.... i can't wrap my head around it.

as for her having her own plans? she's entitled to that. almost everyone has plans for the future and i can guarantee you that not every employee out there tells their potential employer exactly what those plans are.
 
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