Meals for helper

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ihave3cats

Registered User
I need advice from all mummy with helpers here!
I have a helper whom we had for 4 months. She is definately not fantastic. She does mainly cleaning. Can't help with neither cooking nor kids (I have 2! Age: 3 & 4)
for weekdays I will cook and make our portion bigger to accomodate her. However during weekend, my family will always go out for meals. My helper will buy food outside. Initially she bought reasonable priced lunch, abt $20. After sometime, she 'upgraded' her meals to $30 and recently to abt $40. When I told her that she can cook her meals at home instead of buying outside, she told me that she doesn't know how to cook. She got so used to buying outside that she will just take money from the purse (for buying grocery) to buy her meals when she sees that there is no left overs in the fridge.

I am getting quite pissed off by her doings. I want to tell her not to do it again and I wantto find out how other families deal with meal arrangement. I understand that if I dun provide food, I can just give helper $740? Does that work?

Many thanks!
 
Yup that works, as per Govt guidelines you have pay the Helper 740HKD if she is not eating at home. I pay my Helper the same amount as she doesn't eat with us.
I think you are right about getting pissed, she is not even asking for the money for her meals just taking it from your purse, its a bit too much. Many Helpers buy groceries separately and then cook their food at home, only using the employers spices or rice. You can tell her to learn how to cook her own meals.
 
i think it would be easiest for you to give her the food allowance...don't quite understand how you can tolerate her going into your purse for money! that's just plain rude! anyhow...i give the food allowance but on top of that if i cook extra food then i will still give her some. sometimes i might give her a couple apples when i buy a lot - but i don't feel obliged and it's kind of like a treat. my mom provides coffee / sugar / rice so they don't have to pay for that - she doesn't believe that should come from their pocket...but everyone is different, that's just her.

i think she should be asked to try to cook - your kids are older and my guess is they go to full day school so she has the time to "experiment" at home and get things right...she might not have the touch, but basic things like mac and cheese, etc. should not be difficult - so that eventually you kids can eat at home and she can take some work load off of you..if that is what you would like.
 
She can't make eggs or even a sandwich? Our fridge is always well stocked and our previous helper would just make a quick stir fry for herself if there weren't leftovers. If she was feeling lazy, she loved instant noodles and tinned sardines (would add to the grocery list).
 
for 5 years, our helper ate the same food as we did. if we went out, we usually invited her, too. sometimes she came with us and sometimes she didn't.

when we hired her husband, they preferred to cook their own food (actually, she prefers to eat ours, he prefers to cook his own, so they cook their own). i give them $500/week as i just can't see how they could survive on $740 each. we provide rice, oil and condiments. so far, it was worked out well.

HOWEVER, from the sounds of things, you aren't very happy with your helper anyway. if she isn't helping you, she's not doing her job and you should fire her and find someone who compliments your needs.
 
Lesliefu and geomum, I have a separate purse just for grocery. She has access to this purse. I put it in the living area. Usually just 100 inside for emergency grocery, eg I forgot to buy certain things, and I will call her to ge it for me. But then I try not to ask her to do that nowadays cos she can take 1 hr just to get one or 2 things. It's amazing cos we have Jusco just 5 mins away. So carang, u are right. I am not happy with her quality of work at all. I guess the food thing just adds up to it.
She likes to go get her meals from Yoshinoya near my place.. I know I should have told her off the very first time she does that. I tried to buy her lunch boxes from supermarket when I dun cook.. She told me straight she dun like the food. Once I even saw her throwing untouched food away. This is totally against my attitude towards food. That's why I am wondering if she has her own allowance, she will try to finish everything instead.
Oh, She told me sandwiches are for breakfast! It's not enough for her as a meal!!!!
 
i think you need to find a new helper. it sounds to me like the issue over food is just one of many.
 
carang said:
HOWEVER, from the sounds of things, you aren't very happy with your helper anyway. if she isn't helping you, she's not doing her job and you should fire her and find someone who compliments your needs.
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I agree. In my experience, it generally doesn't get better. If you have misgivings about your helper--especially after 4 months (our first was with us for 5) then it's time to find a different helper. Why not be satisfied with your helper? Our first helper was really not up to standard and then I would look at my friends who got along well with their helpers and say to myself, "Why can't that be my own situation?" So, we just decided to let the first helper go and hire a different one and I am SO glad that we did because our current helper fits perfectly with our family.

As far as food goes, when I interviewed our current helper before giving her the job I asked specific questions like "Describe to me a typical meal that you would cook--tell me the ingredients and the procedure for making it." I figured if she could do that she could likely cook. And then I sat down with her and we talked about a meal plan and we literally came up with a month's-worth of meals that we rotate so there is always a prepared meal in our house (she is the one who cooks it). She eats with us and because she's taken to the new recipes quite well we find that we don't need to go out to eat much at all. Once in awhile we invite her to eat out with us but we don't feel obligated to do that--there is always plenty of food in our house--whether it's left-overs or just materials to cook the food with.

Also, I only work on a reimbursement plan with her--for her Octopus card (which she uses only for travel designated by us) and for meals. I give her a budget--she spends her own money and then brings me a receipt. If she overspends (the budget is $25 HKD/meal and she spends $30 HKD) I am only going to reimburse what was in the budget so she whatever is extra comes from her own pocket. However, because we don't eat out often and I really like my helper and consider her like a family member, once in awhile I will just give her $100 HKD on a Sunday and say "Treat yourself and your friends to lunch"--she can choose to save the money but usually she just takes her girlfriends out for lunch.
 
Get another helper, who knows how to cook, for her, for you, and for your kids.

Edit : When we hired our helper, we made it clear from the beginning. She has a food allowance. She can use some products in our kitchen (like oil, spices etc...) to cook her food if she needs to. She will also make a bit more for her when she cooks or bakes (only once or twice a week as I like to cook). I've registered her to some cooking lessons as she is willing to learn more.

We have a purse, and a notebook. If she does grocery shopping, everything is in the book with the tickets. She has an octopus card for the transportation dedicated to our family/son/shopping and she will refill it with the money from the purse.

And : she is great for the cleaning and loves to play with my son !
 
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You definitely need to sit with her and talk to her about the issues you have. If she says she can't change her ways and isn't willing to learn then go ahead and let her go. Like Frenchy said get another helper, who knows how to cook OR is willing to learn, for herself and for your family. Judging from what you are saying about her responses she seems to have serious attitude problems.
 
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Frenchy, u are really lucky with a helper whom u are agreeable with! Yes, geomum, after discussing with hubby, I will sit down with my helper tomorrow to tell her exactly what I am unhappy about. I will give her one more chance before I terminate her. I will be trying out the meal allowance too. Hopefully things will turn for the better.

She is my 2nd helper since we first came.. The first one couldn't even speak English! I had to send her back after 3 days. I interviewed this currently one personally. She told me she took care of the household cos both employers were working.. Told me she cook, grocery shopped and cared for the 3 yr old girl. Seems like her information is not accurate!! :(
 
ihave3cats said:
told me she took care of the household cos both employers were working.. Told me she cook, grocery shopped and cared for the 3 yr old girl. Seems like her information is not accurate!! :(
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Didn't you check with her previous employer? Always conduct a reference check for helpers hired in HK! Or even the ones with overseas experience around the region would be able to give you a reference check. If you can't get one, then you know you shouldn't hire them.
 
We are also "meeting" every 2 weeks to talk about what is going on in the house, what we are happy about and would be MORE happy about... she tells me how she would like to do some things, and we take some decisions.
We are very honest to each others from the beginning, she never lied to me about what she was good at or not.
What I did is to set a plan, what should be done and when, my children schedule, and what I was expecting from her (cooking once a week for the family, baking the snacks for my son, cleaning, baby sitting, errands), and it's working good. Maybe you could write down what you are expecting, and if she does not agree with it, then find someone else...
 
TheQuasimother, the agency said that the previous employer provided her a recommendation letter so she didn't want to be disturb beyond that. U are so right! I should have insisted and call. I thought to myself, she worked in the previous employer's family for 3 years, if she had been so bad, they would not have renew her contracts after 2 yrs.. Apparently wrong thinking!!

Frenchy, I tried to work on communicating with her but I always get the 'yes mdm' thing. Sometimes I will purposely ask a few times in different ways, she always reply 'yes mdm' even though it should be 'no mdm'.

For her off days, she will leave our place at 6.30am and always comes back slightly after 9pm. (like today, 9.15pm!!!) these are the little things adding up making me unhappy... But I will address this tomorrow when I talk to her too.
 
sorry, but i must say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with her coming back after 9pm. the helper is entitled to 24 hours off and how she chooses to spend it is up to her. i do not agree with imposing curfews on grown women. HOWEVER, if she comes back drunk or high, then obviously that's a little different.

i still think that you would be better to start fresh with a new helper rather than try to "fix" the current one.
 
Carang, as per what u said, I should be giving thanks that she didn't come back at 6.29am? Every family has their expectation of what and how the helper should behave and do. We agreed before 9pm even before signing the contract. If this is so demeaning to a grown woman, she should not have started working for my family. I guess I would be more forgiving if she had been more useful around the house.
 
ihave3cats, it's the law that says that she is entitled to 24h leave per week, not what you agree or not agree beforehand.
 
the LAW says 24 hours, doesn't matter what you agree. if for any reason this were to go to the labour tribunal YOU would be in the wrong, not the helper if she claimed she wasn't getting her 24 hours off.

something to think about.
 
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